Whole 30: Day 24 – Finding Grace & Freedom on Whole30
Today’s post is written by one of the strongest, determined, fun and loving people I know. She’s been one of my dearest friends since high school, an advocate in times of hardship and joy, a mentor in all things health related, a partner in crime, a co-leader in worship and singing, and a compassionate friend in tough times. We look like twins with our curly hair and facial features, we both are altos and love to harmonize, we both love writing in journals and never throwing the journals away, we are 3rd cousins by blood, and we both have struggled immensely with food, weight, and our appearance. To be quite honest, it is this friend that wanted to do Whole 30 in October of last year and asked me to join in with her. It is this friend that was the deciding factor in me choosing to do Crossfit. It is this friend who I talk to daily about food, exercise, Jesus, and life. It is this friend who I trust with my body when she coaches me at the gym. It is this friend who I have often referred to as my daughter, because I would do anything to protect her and see her become the woman God created her to be. Who is this wonderful woman you may ask? None other than Nicole Crance.
I asked Nikki to share her personal experience with food, weight, and health because not only do her and I have similar stories, but because her story is worth telling. Below you will read a story of a woman who has struggled hard, but has succeeded much. You will read personal details of the shame, pain, and enslavement that often comes with food and weight issues. But my friends, you will also read of the victory that has been won in her life and the grace of God which made way for that victory. You will read of a woman who now stands redeemed, made well, and who is giving her life to see others also made well. Sharing this story means a lot to her and a lot to me. Take care when reading this story and respect the vulnerability it took to tell it. However, also celebrate with me. Celebrate that before you is the story of a woman who loves herself and who is seeking to care for her’s and other’s holistic health. Celebrate that there is a God who hears us when we cry out, and is in the business of redeeming us, healing us, and making us whole. Celebrate Nicole Crance and her life with me.
This post is a bit longer than the other Whole 30 posts, but it is more than worth it. I pray that after reading Nikki’s story, you will praise God with me for His grace and that you too will be inspired to take actions towards being made well. I pray Nikki’s story will encourage you in your story, and that one day I can also share on this blog how you met God’s grace face-to-face and have never been the same.
My Story by Nicole Crance
“The secret to change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates
People have asked me at various times during my life what my story is pertaining to weight loss, fitness, Crossfit, healthy eating, Paleo, Whole3o, the list goes on. And really, there is no easy explanation, because it has been everything but easy. Yet, there is definitely one word that summarizes it all: grace. I’m 23 years old and I’ve tried all the diets under the sun since the age of 12. Unfortunately, that’s pretty normal in today’s world. My identity was built around my outside appearance since youth, never giving any care in the world for what real health meant. All I know is, Samantha was the prettiest and most popular girl in the class and she was skinny, so obviously, I needed to do whatever I needed to do to be the same as her. I had my bouts with starving myself, “zero-calorie” foods, taking laxatives right after meals, counting points on Weight Watchers, drinking meal-replacement shakes promising rapid weight loss, eating only whole wheat/grains…you guys get it. And of course, like any quick fix, came quick repercussions, like being brought right back to square one. Every. Single. Time.
I specifically remember looking back at my high school pictures while away at university and saying to myself, “Seriously? I thought I was fat then? Ha. No way. I’m really fat now.” I had gained about 30 pounds my first year of college. I could see the gradual increase, but didn’t know how to control it. Between campus food, sleep deprivation, stress, and 3:00 A.M. Steak & Shake runs during a study break, the weight climbed on. I joined Weight Watchers as a desperate cry for help, having no other option, in my eyes. All the memories of growing up hating myself, hating what I saw in the mirror just came back every day in a more powerful force and I couldn’t stop it. My exercise regimen consisted of running, Zumba and maybe a touch of yoga. My food came from cans, boxes and packages, never giving a second glance at what the ingredients were in my food, just looking at the Nutrition Facts alone.
In the summer of 2013, one year before graduating from university, I went in to work one day, while I was working as a junior reporter at our local television news station and noticed how a friend of mine had been looking really great lately, and in a relatively short amount of time. I asked her what her secret was, and she told me she had joined a gym called CrossFit Cayman. I had heard of this “CrossFit” a long time ago by a friend of mine, Matthew Barnett, but I didn’t even know it was an exercise program, much less that he was the owner of this gym my friend spoke of. She went on and on about how amazing the coaches were, how the exercise program worked and what they taught there, she even demonstrated a burpee and proper squat right there in the ladies’ room. I had never heard of anything like it, and couldn’t wait to join. I walked into that gym for the first time on July 23, 2013 and I have never looked back.
I walked in as a very broken-hearted and broken-minded young woman seeking results for mostly an aesthetic goal, and instead, I received wholeness for the holes I had developed over the years over a very broken definition of beauty, health, fitness, proper nutrition and optimal living. Has my journey over these last two years been perfect and smooth sailing? Absolutely not, but unlike any other program I’ve tried, I’ve never wanted to quit wholeheartedly. I may get frustrated with my pulls-ups or my Olympic lifts sometimes, but two years ago, I couldn’t pull my own body weight up over a bar nor hold a barbell at 260 pounds without compromising my technique/form. Today, I most certainly can. If that isn’t real and tangible proof of increased fitness, I don’t know what is.
And don’t even get me started on the hardships of the nutrition aspect of this whole equation. Man, food has been a struggle for me my whole life, and has actually been everything but joyful in my life. Yes, there are meals that we bond over with family and friends and we love them, but food always seemed to be my enemy because it just made me fatter in the end. I didn’t know the what, when, why or how of proper nutrition. However, I also found that answer by coming to CrossFit, as they teach a Paleo way of eating (eating real food). But even after getting dramatic results in my first month of CrossFit by eating this way and coupling it with exercising six times a week, my mind still didn’t change. My habits remained the same, and sadly enough, the weight came back.
It wasn’t until I did my very first successful Whole30 Challenge (check out www.whole30.com) with my very best and dearest friend, Brianna Wilkerson, that I could say I felt truly optimal in all aspects of my life: stress management, sleep, exercise, relaxation, relationships with people, energy/mood, cravings, and others. Whole30 did a lot more than arm me with knowledge to beat the sugar dragon and its cravings, and helped me with more than just changing my plate’s contents—it literally saved my life. Food had such a powerful hold on me that I would wake up and not want to face my day because I felt completely worthless by my unhappiness. Again, I was back to judging my worth by my results. No amount of CrossFit workouts, and no amount of Paleo meal templates could fix me because this was something rooted much deeper. I would look in the mirror and just walk away with so much resentment, harboring hatred and dissatisfaction in my heart. But grace, God’s beautiful and unending grace is so much stronger than that, and I felt that rushing water flow of freedom from Christ by committing to this Whole30 Program for the first time…and nothing was ever the same. I’ve done probably a few Whole30’s since then and really, I can say for the first time, the way of eating prescribed by this challenge, is how I live my life normally anyway. Eating real food for my body type, to fuel my fitness is my normal way of life. That is a miracle by God’s grace alone.
Today, I’m a CrossFit Level 1 Trainer at CrossFit Cayman, with the biggest heart for people’s freedom in health. I know what it means to walk around enslaved to an exercise methodology that doesn’t work or feel victimized by the power of food’s addiction. I even know what it’s like to hate yourself. But if there is anything I’ve learned these past few years: you can’t heal a body you hate. I’ve also learned that “it does not matter how slowly [we] go, as long as [we] do not stop” (Confucius). I chose this career of coaching to be a supporter, a friend, a teacher, a learner, a leader, a follower to those who come to our gym looking for real and lasting change, the same way I did 2 years ago and was warmly welcomed and supported by my coaches. Thank God that real change takes time and quick fixes are not endorsed by our coaching methods.
I was never a real athlete before joining CrossFit, but I found myself naturally good at a lot of the movements. Now, I wake up ready to get out bed and face whatever the challenge of the day is for me. My workouts’ sole intention is to better myself and make myself stronger, faster, and healthier, day by day, little by little. And now I know, no matter what happens, grace still abounds for me. Regardless of what happens, I do my best every day and rely on the love and support of my friends and family, and the heart and grace of God to keep going. I have proven to myself countless times, and continuously do, I’m capable of doing what I never knew or thought I could do. I could go on and on and say how much I love CrossFit, Whole30, Paleo…but I don’t want to get stuck on names or brands here. These were merely avenues and tools that got me to where I am today, which is a happy, healthy, and optimal young woman. These avenues and tools gave me what God had always set apart for me: freedom.
